you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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