a queef is a wish your heart makes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
