I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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