I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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