I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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