I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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