I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
