so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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