Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
