Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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