i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i have two assholes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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