Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
