Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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