I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
