I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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