how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
