My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
