We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
