Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
