i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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