That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
