So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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