I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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