I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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