i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
