the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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