1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
