please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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