So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
