So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
