No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
