Sry I called you an 8
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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