i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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