Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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