i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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