You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
