Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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