So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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