There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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