she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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