so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
