i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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