You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
