I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
