Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
