I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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