I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
