Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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