; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
