My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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