why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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