You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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