one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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