so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
