I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.