i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.