Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me