remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...