gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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