We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
