the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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