please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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