Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
