All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
