I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
